Moment of the year
From San Francisco to Sango Ota, Tashkent to Taraba, Port Elizabeth to Porto Alegre, London to Laos, whether on the internet or over the radio, television or telephone, there was unanimity in spirit, some unspoken camaraderie across the globe for those few hours of uncertainty. ‘Oh dear, could this be the end of a colossus?’ seemed to be the question on millions of hearts and lips on June 25, once news broke that Michael Joseph Jackson had been rushed to the hospital. Collectively, the world has hardly ever witnessed a more intense moment of baited breath than the period between when MJ was rushed to the hospital and his eventual death. And it is similarly difficult to find one development to surpass the news of his death as news of the year.
Revelation of the year
Thanks to the combination of the global economic meltdown, the governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), Sanusi Lamido Sanusi and the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Nigerians got to know how much rot had been covered up in the banking sector in the country. People got to know who spends whose money in this country and I for one got to appreciate how much of a ‘big guy’ I could become if only I could get some bank to borrow a hefty enough sum of money from.
Asshole(s) of the year
In all probability those six days weren’t the goriest or bloodiest in Nigeria’s history. But the philosophy leading to the gore and blood was as jejune, ludicrous and anal as any you will ever hear of. Even in places like Afghanistan, Iran or Palestine acts of terror have often supposedly been a show of defiance against the perceived overbearing posture of the West, never about eradicating western education and the whole gamut. But here we had a band of simpletons called Boko Haram who engineered a carnage in which hundreds of lives and millions of naira worth of property perished. Saudi Arabia the spiritual home of all Muslims has centres where scientific research is conducted. Mathematics, physics, biology and other such paraphernalia of western education are studied in places like Iran and Lebanon. Now, add to that the fact that the imbeciles, led by their vile leader, planned their dastardly acts while most definitely talking over cell phones (a product of science and western education) all the while, then you might begin to understand why any of those nincompoops certainly stands out as idiot of the year.
Product promoter of the year
Globacom Nigeria Limited has to be by far and away the winner in this category for sheer tenacity of purpose. What didn’t they do to sway and might I add, irritate subscribers? Most subscribers to the services of the telecoms outfit should be familiar with such lines as ‘Luck don jam you,’ ‘make you no let this awoof pass you,’ how will you spend… millions?, ‘Sshh… make you no tell any bodi o,’ and numerous others. For the naked effort in persuasion or nuisance value to the customer, Glo certainly ‘Ruled’ our cell phone ‘world’ more than any other this year.
Feud of the year
I can tell you that at the height of it, there was absolutely nothing civil about this feud. It was pure roforofo fight in which every instrument was permissible as long as it gave an edge and for any length of time. I am talking here of the rivalry between two newspapers owned respectively by a serving governor and a former governor of two neighbouring South-West states, two personalities who also belong to rival political parties. There was such evident small-mindedness on both sides that you could aptly predict what makes front page news in either publication every morning, for once one carried any news item, the other was sure to cover the other side of the same story. And the major stories for either publication in the most, revolved around whatever dirty detail could be dug up about the rival proprietor.
Joke of the year
That as we go into year 2010, 10 years before 2020, in spite of the country being barely able to light its homes while its roads are hell-holes, Nigeria will, come 2020, become one of the 20 most industrialised nations of planet earth. Please, shoot me for not being enthusiastic, curse me for not been patriotic but I will still tell you tales of pipe dreams and of a place called Sugar Candy Mountain.
Person of the year
I could choose Barack Obama, Babatunde Fashola, Yar’Adua or any other person for this, all with justifiable reasons. But for his sheer resilience, his perseverance and iron-cast will at surviving all that nature, bad leadership and even his own folly and misguided adventure keep throwing at him, the Nigerian man has to be my person of the year.
End of the year prayer
Oh no, dear God, please don’t let it be true that we are now on the verge of being tagged a terrorist nation in addition to whatever black tag they have already put on us. We sure have too much on our plate already.
End of the year question
Who is Nigeria’s president?
